The saddest thing about those internet sites that claim to be able to offer you guaranteed incomes of £20k per month is that very often the PDF that gets sent to your inbox, after you’ve paid $50 into an account in

the Caymen Islands, is, in fact, another booklet on how to get rich quick. It isn’t actually any secret at all. There never is any secret system to earn a fortune. It’s another con by a pyramid marketeer who cons all the of the people below him to believe that if they play their part in attracting would be desperado fortune-seekers they too will see their incomes rise majestically towards the stratosphere. Oh dear oh dear, you gullible twats.

Often the only way to internet riches is to come up with a truly ground-breaking idea, not regurgitate pyramid selling schemes. I read, with increasing frequency, Twitter feeds and blog posts by individuals who promise me ‘guaranteed incomes’ from a ‘proven business system’. Fantastic! It obviously works so well for these people that they decide to drive a fifteen year old car and wear tatty clothes just for fun as stepping out of their Ferrari wearing an Armani suit is far too ostentatious. Their offers to ‘personally guide you’ and ‘let you live without limits’ are so generous I wonder why the man in the video I saw has forgotten to shave this morning or felt the need to shoot a video in his own living room with a cheap camcorder.

‘Hey look at me I’m just like you’ he says. No you are not mister! I know one end of a Gillette Mach 3 from the other, I don’t sound as if I’m about to kill myself  and I don’t buy my tee shirts from Primark (only my jeans!). I see that the great wealth he has accumulated from his ‘guaranteed income generator’ is not being wasted on such trivial items as  clothing and hygiene products.

Stuff this I though and decided to ring the mobile number he provided,  just for a laugh and as important market research for my blog readers (like you needed any). Here’s how it went:

“What is the nature of the business?” I asked

“It’s a guranteed income generator” he replied

“Great! So what is the business? Selling, networking?”

“It’s based on Social Networking”

“Ok. Can you explain a little more?”

“No – you’ll have to buy the book but it’s really great. You’ll make lots of money” he replied.

“So how much do you make a month?”

“I can’t answer that”

“Why?”

Then he hung up.

I suspect the shame of being a loser is too much for him to bear. Maybe his unprofessional, ill thought out, single page website makes him feel a little inadequate? Perhaps it could be that he is actually a genius – he has no business strategy at all to sell to me – only the promise of one. So he is actually trying to sell me nothing for an exchange of money? Clever and dishonest it may be but the real losers are the easily-led who see the promise of a better life for doing bugger all. I’m sorry to say that unless you are a premiership footballer or Paris Hilton, you are sadly deluded.