Despite my best efforts to relax and take things easy over the last two weeks it appears that I have managed to do the exact opposite. In fact, each day has resembled a Jason Statham movie – fast paced, action packed and full of foul language. Thankfully I have averted smacking people in the face or calling people ‘Chico’ for no reason, nor have I adopted a cockney accent.
In what was supposed to be a leisurely saunter up Chill Lane I had become sucked into a world of deadlines and targets. Often brought about by my own desire to get things done. I painted hard, tried new things, organized this that and the other, spent money I didn’t have, stayed up too late, watched bad TV, ate trash food, tried to please everyone and ended up feeling stressed, tired, unhealthy and miserable… and then came Saturday.
This day was a reminder that there is a world out there that doesn’t care what the hell kind of frantic mess I choose to call a life – it is just there. My destination for a day out was not glamorous but it was a release. The company I shared was great, I did things I wanted to do and that I hadn’t done before, I walked in my bare feet across the beach, I bought souvenirs, I walked with my friends, talked with my friends and realized what I had been missing and what an unbearable shit I had become – all consumed with desire to be the next big art sensation. Somedays my delusion knows no bounds.
It is perhaps an important reminder that there is only so much time available to all of us and that the will to get out there and make every minute count is as important as it gets. However, I have found out that the ability to stop for a while is just as important as racing ahead at a hundred miles an hour. I don’t mean having a break for half an hour or sitting down and watching a DVD – no, I mean things like taking a day out to do something different, even if it only means a walk in the local park or a hike up a hillside. Just enough to make you understand the really important things. That the most amazing gift we have is all around us. It’s such a shame that I forget this 99% of the time. I’m sure I would be happier if I stopped and opened my eyes a little more often instead of being a self-centered, ignorant and opinionated swell-head.
How long I can keep this balance of course, is anybody’s guess… I suspect for a bout two days if I am lucky.
For now it feels nice to stop myself from disappearing up my own arse. I’m pretty sure that normal service will be resumed shortly. Enjoy the film.