Abstract and Modern Art Paintings Blog

Sun, sand and Statham!

Posted by Swarez on July 27, 2010  |  No Comments

Despite my best efforts to relax and take things easy over the last two weeks it appears that I have managed to do the exact opposite. In fact, each day has resembled a Jason Statham movie – fast paced, action packed and full of foul language. Thankfully I have averted smacking people in the face or calling people ‘Chico’ for no reason, nor have I adopted a cockney accent.

In what was supposed to be a leisurely saunter up Chill Lane I had become sucked into a world of deadlines and targets. Often brought about by my own desire to get things done. I painted hard, tried new things, organized this that and the other, spent money I didn’t have, stayed up too late, watched bad TV, ate trash food, tried to please everyone and ended up feeling stressed, tired, unhealthy and miserable… and then came Saturday.

The Funniest Joke in the World

Posted by Swarez on February 7, 2010  |  No Comments

Now I may be biased but I first heard this joke a number if years ago and have remembered it ever since. Partly for the way that the radio station presenter tells it and partly because it’s so damn funny. I’m sure it did the rounds through email many years ago but classics like this never age – and if you’ve never heard it before I hope you will enjoy it as much as I do. Click the post heading to see the joke.

I’m sorry, I’ll say that again…

Posted by Swarez on January 28, 2010  |  1 Comment

Forgetting the food for just a moment, there are plenty of reasons to loathe the fast food hamburger chains. Poorly trained staff, unhealthy products and garishly decorated ‘restaurants’ are just three of the gripes on my ever growing list of hate. If there are any signs of a positive future for these companies it lies in the food, which is irresistible when you want something quick, warm and overflowing with carbohydrates. The lure of a double cheeseburger and fries makes us act like moths around a saturated fat light bulb.

The Bipolar Polar Bear

Posted by Swarez on January 24, 2010  |  No Comments

It’s long been documented that artists and the creative amongst our society are quite often as mad as a box of frogs. Well, by this I mean that they carry personality traits that are synonymous with certain categories of mental illness, a term that’s as harsh as it is broad.

I feel uneasy with carrying a label that an unsympathetic society has given me in order to appease itself or place me in a box marked ‘fruit cake’. I know myself better than anyone and prefer to think of being bipolar as a heightened level of awareness. Unfortunately this also brings a greater depth of emotion which swings from one extreme to the other, almost always born out of what’s going on around me more-so than things I can ever generate in my head. Behaviour breeds behaviour.

Get Rich Now? – I don’t think so!

Posted by Swarez on January 18, 2010  |  3 Comments

Swarez says NO to get rich quick schemes

The saddest thing about those internet sites that claim to be able to offer you guaranteed incomes of £20k per month is that very often the PDF that gets sent to your inbox, after you’ve paid $50 into an account in the Caymen Islands, is, in fact, another booklet on how to get rich quick. It isn’t actually any secret at all. There never is any secret system to earn a fortune. It’s another con by a pyramid marketeer who cons all the of the people below him to believe that if they play their part in attracting would be desperado fortune-seekers they too will see their incomes rise majestically towards the stratosphere. Oh dear oh dear, you gullible twats.

Was Jim Clark the Greatest Racing Driver?

Posted by Swarez on January 18, 2010  |  2 Comments

During a recent conversation with a friend of mine about great historic racing cars and the drivers that made them great we came upon the legend that is Jim Clark. It was always going to be difficult coming up with a top ten, there are so many great names and marques to choose from. It should have been no surprise that Jim Clark featured so highly on both our lists, especially considering how many career highlights he had before his untimely death.

The World’s Best Ever Newspaper Headline?

Posted by Swarez on January 14, 2010  |  8 Comments

We can all remember at least two or three interesting newspaper headlines from years gone by but few have the shock value of this one. If the editors had used something a little less descriptive perhaps it wouldn’t have had the impact that it did. If ever there was a knockout hook then this is it. I doubt we would ever get away with that in the this country. The famous “Freddie Starr ate my hamster” headline seems tame by comparison.

The curse of the self-serve checkout

Posted by Swarez on January 10, 2010  |  10 Comments

The curse of the Self-Service Checkout

I’ve been a life-long hater of checkout queues. Even two or three people is enough to send me into a head shaking frenzy of disgust, often accompanied by a “..for God’s sake”, muttered loudly enough for people to turn round and stare. So it was with initial joy and happiness that I came upon that saviour of all mankind – the self-service checkout. I marvelled at her shiny stainless steel weighing scale, the excitement of her touch screen LCD, the  sultry way she invited me to “place my items on the scale”. It seemed as if the queue haters dreams had come true… or so it seemed.

Why I look like Gollum in the mornings

Posted by Swarez on January 9, 2010  |  7 Comments

Swarez looking like Gollum

Life can be irritating when you haven’t got hair. On the face of it this may seem like an ambiguous statement – after all, I don’t spend an hour each morning glued to my Nicky Clarke straighteners, nor do I wander aimlessly up and down the supermarket aisles searching for anti-frizz conditioning serums. No, far from it, all I really need to do is to extend my face washing routine upwards by six inches and Voila! Oddly though, that’s not quite where the story ends…